ADHD and impostor syndrome
There has been a lot in the media recently about Impostor Syndrome - as a manifestation of individual poor self-esteem, and as a product of structural inequalities that mean the achievements of people from marginalised communities are dismissed or undervalued.
Impostor Syndrome is a feeling about the self in context that can arise in response to a wide variety of situations - acute or chronic - throughout the lifespan.
In my experience it presents in particular ways for neurodivergent people that are not captured by the language we commonly see around Impostor Syndrome of 'deserving', 'worth' or being 'good enough'. For people with ADHD in particular, impostor feelings are often tied to frustration about their own unrealised potential, and the unpredictability of their energy and capabilities.
When you have ADHD, Impostor Syndrome can present as a result of
finding it easy to do things other people find difficult. Hyperfocus, and a strong inclination towards novelty often means that you can do large amounts of high quality creative or intellectual work in intense bursts you experience as flowy and pleasurable, to the extent that it doesn't feel like work at all. This can leave you with the unsatisfying sense that you are 'getting away with something' when you achieve at high levels; a regret that your performance might have been even better had you been able to stay in your flow state, or switch it on at will; and a belief that because it came easily, your work must, therefore, be superficial. This feeling is compounded when your focus moves from one interest to another, and it becomes difficult to retrieve knowledge associated with previous achievements. It can feel as though you never durably knew what you appeared to have mastered. Things sit very vividly in your mind and then seem to vanish completely.
finding some of the tasks of daily life difficult to impossible, which (a) creates a worry that you might be fundamentally incompetent and (b) invites moral judgements from others that you are lazy, disrespectful, undisciplined, entitled, etc. Being on the receiving end of such judgements from an early age supports the feeling that any of your accomplishments and successes are down to luck rather than your own abilities and efforts.
finding relationships hard to navigate. You might feel an impostor in your social group, because other people's emotions are hard to read; because you are strongly adversely affected by feelings of embarrassment or rejection; or because you just don't seem to like the same things that people in your peer group do, and can't find much common ground. You may not get others' sense of humour, or feel they get yours. Your tendency to hyoperfocus may mean you form attachments that feel too intense to other people. By contrast, you may struggle to return messages, and lose touch with friends you don't see regularly in person.
All this can mean that there is an extra layer of alientation when you read that Impostor Syndrome is to do with not valuing yourself. You are most likely very aware of your intellectual and creative capabilities, and value them enormously. Your mind is probably one of your most reliable sources of pleasure, when it's at peak flow. Impostor Syndrome, for you, may feel less like low self-esteem, and more like a struggle to reconcile the peaks and the troughs of a 'spiky skillset', and a longstanding sense of not fitting in.
Impostor feelings may always be there in some form, but there are a number of things that can help:
Make practical aspects of your life as simple and user-friendly as possible so that you are able to focus your energy on your strengths and the things you enjoy.
Invest in the friendships and relationships that feel comfortable and enjoyable, and where you feel understood - not the ones that feel like problems to be solved (even though those may feel more immediately compelling).
Prioritise keeping yourself moving - literally and figuratively. You are likely to feel most lost and alienated when you are in the grip of the inertia that strikes when you fall out of flow.
Some great ADHD resources:
Podcasts
Books
A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD
YouTube Channels
PS: If you make a living through high intensity creative and intellectual work, and have ADHD or other circumstances that affect executive function and attention regulation, consider joining me for my online workshop, Compassionate Productivity.
