Be Safe! Be Seen!

I saw this slogan on a cycling safety poster the other day, and had to take a photo, as it captured so neatly our greatest emotional needs: to be safe and secure in our attachments to other people, and to be seen for who we are.

In cycling, the two go hand in hand: the greater your visibility, the safer you'll be.

In our creative and professional lives, it's not so straightforward.

The more visible we are in our work, the greater our exposure to experiences that feel relationally threatening: criticism, rejection, ridicule, misunderstanding, indifference.

When we feel blocked in the work that matters most to us - through perfectionism, or impostor syndrome, or avoidance - we are in the grip of a fantasy that we can eradicate the risk involved in being seen.

That if we get it absolutely right, or if we can be sure our work deserves to see the light of day, we will unlock praise, acceptance, and perfect understanding.

We doubt our ability to cope with feelings that arise for us when our work doesn't get the reception we'd hoped for. We may feel shame, humiliation, or self-loathing. We may wish we'd never bothered.

So we keep our projects in endless development, because it is a way to keep them. It is a way to keep in touch with our potential, our talent, the pleasure we take in our own creativity.

We know that a knock to our confidence can shut down our ability to work at all. It can shut down our drive to be seen.

It makes us want to hide, even from ourselves.

So we stay in the relative 'safety' of not being seen. Even though it is a lonely place, without the opportunities for expression and connection we need in order to feel fulfilled.

We know that if we want to change these patterns, we need to increase our tolerance of risk.

But more importantly, we need to get clear about what within us yearns to be seen and shared.

We will never feel really secure in our belonging, and our right to take up space in the world, while we are hiding large and important parts of ourselves.

To feel truly safe, we need to be seen.

Just like cyclists. But for different reasons.

A short reflective exercise:

What does it feel like when you are in a ‘flow state’, pleasurably engaged in your thoughts or activities?

Can you think of any words or images that help you capture this feeling?

Now imagine being observed in this flow state. What does that feel like?

Now imagine you are able to invite someone in to this state with you - to share with them the pleasures of your thoughts and enthusiasm. What does that feel like?

When we share ourselves with others - not our time, not our labour, but our selves, we are offering ourselves for attachment. We are doing the work of belonging.